July 24, 2002 - 8:37 p.m. Well today was definitely interesting. I spent my entire day at USF, hell I even got work off…thank you Mario! Traffic is horrible in this state, especially at 8 a.m. It pisses me off because there is no real need for that kind of traffic. I don’t know, maybe it’s just the fact that I don’t go anywhere and I sure as hell don’t go driving everywhere either. So I really like the University of South Florida. Their campus is beautiful. And its not that far of a walk from the dorms to buildings. I checked out the student government center there and grabbed a bunch of info. I really would like to go there after seeing it. Sure the drive there is a trip and a half, but I’m sure it would be interesting to say the least. I really am re-considering my college plans. Of course there is one thing holding me back…but I won’t get into that. I got home and on my desk was an envelope from the University of Central Florida, so I open it to see what it has in it and they sent me an application…a goddamn application. Sure it’s not UF or anything that some people would like, but hell it is my life. So my options are really opening up suddenly. What do I do? Do I sit at home for the next four years and go to SPC? Do I go away to USF scrounge up enough money [somehow], figure out a way to pay for college loans eventually and live on campus? Hell do I even send in my application to the University of Central Florida? Goddamn the time draws near and my attention is becoming focused. It’s time to make decisions…big decisions… One thing that has to change is my study habits, and if that means I can’t go out with my girlfriend some times, well she will just have to accept that… plain and simple. So I was thinking on the ride home... I have a lot of sacrificing to do now. But I have a few more days until school starts and I begin my final year of High School. I still have two weeks to make some memories with my friends, those that are around at least… but it was brought up to me that it is my fault [which I accept it as]. I just never saw it as that. I guess what they say…..that love is blind and you really don’t see what is going on aside from that love is true. My eyes are opened now and I am ready to enter back into the world that I have fought for so long. Sacrificing is in the midst of my life- not just when considering college, but my relationships with my friends and my girlfriend. My only solution is to cool things down with her for now…lay off….take a step back and reclaim the friends that I have put aside…. Either way someone gets hurt….I just don’t know who is going to be the one that gets hurt the most…me….them….her… My philosophy has always been that my friends come first….and I guess I really lost sight of that…and now that I have been re-awakened so to say…..I’m back…. Just now….her and I have to talk….have to make decisions….and if it doesn’t work out……God help me…
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