September 17, 2002 - 9:51 p.m. So yeah, usual day. Nothing too exciting. Found out I have an "A" in English. I'm proud of myself. Not sure why, but hey, why the hell not? I want to tell everyone something that I'm not too proud of and it has had me kind of upset, regardless of what I have said, and I am sorry for lying. Sunday night my Mom kicked my Dad out of my house. It was, to say the least, an ugly situation. My brother is really upset because he adores my father completely. I know what that is like, I was there once. My sister is doing ok I am assuming. She is upset that my father hasn't called really to just check up on us. I figured he wouldn't. He has been by the house twice this week. Mainly I guess to get stuff. Yesterday he picked up my brother and took him to Tiger Scouts...I guess they are going to try that whole Boy Scout thing with him too...that's a really bad idea, but I will save that for another time.... The only thing he said to me last night was that he called some numbers concerning a possible [might I stress again POSSIBLE] vehicle. And that was it. He came back to the house later and didn't tell my mom to say hello or drop dead or I hate my oldest son to her. Kinda disappointing. Again tonight he stopped by the house while I was at work mind you and didn't even mention my name. Now I know I am the black sheep of the family and the one that everyone seems to hate and pick on, but for Christ's sake...I would rather have to hear "drop dead" over nothing. I don't know what I did either. Same thing is going on with a former friend of mine [or that’s what I guess he is calling himself nowadays]. So I have this thing about my dad going on…which isn’t helping how horrible I have been feeling lately. But I am wrong to say that. ======================== Troy: I begin this with apologizing once more, for I did not think to check your journal/didn’t read up on all of your entries. As of late, I did not discover your entry and now I understand what I have done. I am sorry for wanting more than happiness…I wonder if God can forgive me for wanting more. Hunh, must have been very selfish of me… Enough talk about that. I understand Mr. Irwin what I did, and for that I am sorry. I am sorry you feel empty and alone and minus a best friend and you are only limited to five people because if you aren’t one of those five people [whom by the way I have no problem with whatsoever] you “don't think [you] can give a fuck anymore.” This may be true, however you cannot float through life with an “I don’t really give a fuck” attitude, it won’t get you anywhere. I know I probably am a hypocrite because of my “care-free senior attitude” but I believe I am entitled to that attitude for at least one year. Sure the last two years I have slacked a little [and at some times a lot] but I do deserve some leisure time. Troy I am sorry if you think that I blame you for things in my life. This hasn’t happened like you think. If anything I thought the last time we talked about an incident a while back we cleared things up and that I told you that I didn’t blame you. And I’m sorry if that makes me a shitty friend. And I am sorry if you feel that I do blame you for things. This I never, as your “former friend” [I guess], wanted to happen. But things in life happen for a reason. Maybe friendships come and go for a reason- to make people see maybe their own faults [or maybe just my own]. I bid you farewell my friend for I fear our friendship will never come back, as gathered by your harsh words in your journal. My friend, take care of yourself and I hope you find that love you are looking for in life and it is worth it to leave people like I did. I only hope that you become everything that you ever wanted or desired in life. And if your name appears on the ballot one day I will vote for you, cause you deserve an office in government. If you need anything my friend I will be here, although I suspect that you won’t, know that I still extend a friendly hand toward you. ======================== On to something more significant: I wanted to thank some people in this entry...seems I have not done that in a while. Oh and the order does NOT reflect your importance in my life, it is merely a product of my random mental ramblings: [Do not fear I already talked to Erica, she knows what she means to me. She is my everything. Thanks Erica. I wont put anything mushy up here, might get some complaints, LOL!] Shaun: thanks for talking with me lately, its helped. Life isn’t so simple as we think it is, eh? Best of luck to you and your girl…I told ya you would find a girl…Just had to rub that in once more. But thanks for your friendship; despite all the high school drama that has plagued our friendship. Water under the bridge as far as I am concerned. Same coin still? Valerie: Thank you for being there for me as usual when I needed you. You don’t know how much it meant to me. I thought I would just remind you how great of a friend you are. And stop putting yourself down so much! Not that I have room to talk… Ali: Thanks for making me laugh lately when I needed it and talking with me. Despite how small it may seem to you it helped me. Ashley: Hey girl…yeah don’t need to say much, I think we have known each other for long enough that we don’t even have to say anything! But I wanted to remind you that I appreciate your friendship and willingness to put up with me! Carlos: Hola mi amigo! And that is all I can remember from Spanish class, except for Puedo ir al banio por favor, and un fiesta in mi pantalones todos los dias [I think you can guess what that means..heh heh….NO it does not apply to me…well….lol…. Thanks for attempting to kick my ass at Unreal Tournament, it was fun FRAGGING you countless times, lol…no harsh feelings I hope. Thank you as well for being there for me and supporting me, my Mexican Brother. Don’t change how you are man. I appreciate the help. Tara: thanks for talking with me Saturday at work. It helped me get through the weekend. Thanks for being there even when I thought you wouldn’t be. Anyone else I missed, I am sorry for missing you and if you feel hurt by this. I promise you that it is merely a product of my insanity, nothing more. And for anyone I forgot, thank you for being there for me [even if you don’t think you have been, you have in some way!]. I appreciate you all. Thanks! For now this is Vash signing off, Peace and God Bless.
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